


The L word - Clexa part II

by Gloria0202



Series: Clexa's journey to Endgame [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The L Word
Genre: Cheating, Clexa Endgame, Divorce, F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Clarke, Jealousy, Love, Pregnancy, Trust, hormonal Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 00:16:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12024096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloria0202/pseuds/Gloria0202
Summary: It's part II of the series Clexa's journey to Endgame.Clexa dealing with divorce and pregnancy, Raven and Octavia are trying to figure out their friendship and feelings and Dana and Alice tries to stick by the rules.WARNING: read the TAGS before reading the fanfiction and barking nonsense in the comments section.DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings...etc are the property of their respective owners (The 100 tv show and The L word). The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators of any previously copyrighted material.No Copyright infringement is intended.





	1. Chapter 1

_Change, we don't like it, we fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't, is lying. But here's the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is… everything._

_~Meredith Grey monologue- G.A~_

 

* * *

* * *

 

Lexa is standing in the middle of Dr.Wilson's cabinet, staring blankly at the poster on the wall of a couple smiling happily at their new born. Her face is void of any emotions.

 

"I can't believe this is happening!" Lexa comments after swallowing the lump she was feeling in the back of her throat before unbuttoning her dress.

 

It has been four months since the opening night, it has been four months she last saw Clarke. It has been four months full of sleepless nights, four months of tears and attempts to heal her broken her. It has also been four months sleeping over her father's place. Four months of instability, of hurt, anger and loneliness.

 

Lexa has spent the worst four months of her life, she never thought that she would be so confused about her feelings. In one hand, her anger and pain push her to want to hate Clarke and in the other hand the baby growing in her makes her miss Clarke more.

 

Dr.Wilson looks at Lexa with a sympathetic smile when Lexa speaks again, "When I did this, I thought I had an amount of security, of stability…whether it worked or not me and Clarke would always have one another."

 

"When are you planning to tell Clarke?" Dr.Wilson asks.

 

"Right about now, if everything is going to go well and nothing is going to go wrong," Lexa pauses for a few seconds then adds, "I don't think Clarke can handle another miscarriage."

 

Dr.Wilson looks surprised at Lexa's body only in her underwears."Well…look at you," She gestures at Lexa's belly.

 

"Yeah, it sort of…just popped. I'm not ready to tell anybody. I wanna keep it to myself for a while."

 

The old lady smiles at her and shakes her head, "That's not gonna be easy my dear."

 

"It looks like I'm having this baby on my own," Lexa interrupts her OB.

 

"Oh, that's a shame Lexa!" She replies honestly.

 

"Don't say that," Lexa defends hastily."people do it all the time."

 

"And you're ok with that?" Dr.Wilson insists again knowing that Lexa did it for Clarke because she loves her and she wanted to have a family with her and now she is on her own. She remembers the first time she met the couple, Lexa told her that she never thought about having a baby before marrying Clarke.

 

Lexa sighs, "I want this baby now more than ever."

 

Indeed, Lexa wants this baby more than ever because she wants to have love, unconditional one. In addition, this baby is a product of love, she knows it and she doesn't doubt it.

 

"Ok! Let's see how is your baby doing," She says with a comforting smile.

 

* * *

 

 

After three months of constant flirting, flowers and kind of forced dates, Clarke agreed to give Niylah a chance so for the last month they have been dating or kind of as Clarke's mind and heart were still with Lexa who sent her the divorce papers and she heard nothing from her ever again.

 

She tried to talk to their friends but to not avail. Of course she had to deal with Raven multiple times before she got the information that Lexa is not living in LA anymore. When she called Lexa's father, he insulted her and hanged up the phone which was a clue for her to not ever try to call and ask him about Lexa anymore.

 

Having no choice, Clarke asked Luna and Dana to let her know if ever Lexa would come back to visit Raven or them so she can talk to her.

 

Clarke wakes up in Niylah's bed naked under her sheets. Her eyes open wide when she sees the body laying naked next to her. It's different, nothing she is used to. Instead of feeling Lexa's brown locks tickling her side, it's Niylah's blonde hair. She sighs and tries to wake up without waking up the woman next to her but she fails.

 

"Good morning," Niylah smiles happily at Lexa."I'm so happy to finally have you here and…you know."

 

Clarke tries to smile at Niylah but can't. Niylah scoots closer to her and starts dropping kisses to her neck. Clarke closes her eyes and all she can see is Lexa's green eyes. Her heart aches, she opens her eyes again and pushes Niylah off of her, "I'm sorry, I can't."

 

"Hey! What's going on?" Niylah's face falls.

 

"I just can't, I'm sorry Niylah," She apologizes, wraps the sheet around her naked body and gets out of bed.

 

"What does that mean?" Niylah asks with a sad look.

 

Clarke shakes her head, "I'm sorry, I really tried but I can't. You are beautiful and an amazing woman but I love Lexa…I love her, I do and being here with you is just keeping me away from her."

 

**********

 

It has been few weeks since the last time Raven came to the Grounders. The last time she came it was a disaster. Alice has dragged her to celebrate Luna's birthday. Octavia was there and with a woman, a woman Raven never met before. Octavia completely ignored her that morning and since then she didn't come back.

 

Today, Lexa insisted to meet her and their friends at the Grounders, she missed them and she was feeling lonely so there was no way for Raven to say no. Yesterday, Lexa called her and every one of their group of friends except for Clarke and told them that she will be early at morning at the Grounders to see them.

 

Raven haven't seen Lexa for two months now and except for the facetime which became almost rare, not as much regular as when first Lexa left because she found a job and she was busy working and so was Raven with her new project.

 

When Raven arrives, she finds new employees at the café. Neither Octavia nor Bellamy were at sight, she was a little bit happy but at the same time she was worried and curious to know where could be the Blake siblings.

 

Alice was sitting with Luna at their usual table, she walks there and feels weird. A lot has changed since the last time she saw her friends. They have a lot of catching up to do.

 

"Hey there!" Raven gives Alice and Luna a friendly smile.

 

"What a pleasant surprise, Raven is finally gracing us with her presence," Alice quips.

 

"It's nice to see you alive," Luna adds chuckling happy to see her.

 

"It's nice to see your ugly faces," She replies sitting on her usual spot.

 

"So how is Lexa?" Luna asks her seriously.

 

"Well I think Clarke didn't call her again," Alice replies and Raven frowns.

 

"She better not," Raven comments.

 

"This coffee tastes like poopy shit!" Alice blurts out after taking a sip."Where's Octavia?"

 

"I haven't seen her in days, I've no idea," Luna shakes her head catching Raven's interest.

 

"How did you not see her in days while you're here-" Raven asks curiously when Luna interrupts her, "Oh shit!"

 

"What?" Raven asks confused and turns to look behind her when she sees Tonya by the counter ordering her coffee.

 

"Fuck, not her! Not now," Alice exclaims and before Raven can ask them what is going on Tonya interrupts them.

 

"Oh my God! This place is falling apart! Did you hear what happened to Octavia?"

 

The three women look at Tonya with the same expression on their face. How can she know what happened and where is Octavia while she barely knows her?

 

"A nervous break down. A complete shit to be honest, she was hospitalized for an overdose," Alice's and Luna's eyes bulge while Raven is shocked, how did she not know? How did no one inform her?

 

"That's horrible!" Alice exclaims in disbelief.

 

"We should visit her," Luna says and Tonya speaks again too fast, "Too late, she is on a plane to God knows where."

 

Luna and Alice look at each other then back at Tonya, at the same time Dana arrives and greets them but no one heard her. She sits next to her girlfriend Tonya and asks, "What's these faces?"

 

"I told them about Octavia," Tonya replies.

 

"Why didn't you tell us Dana?" Luna looks at Dana furiously.

 

"Geez! Relax, she didn't want anyone to know so…" Dana looks at Tonya then back at her friends and notices the devastation on their faces then again back at Tonya."What did you tell them?"

 

"That Octavia is doing drugs and that she left to God knows where," Tonya replies and Dana rolls her eyes.

 

"She's not on drugs, Tonya," Dana defends.

 

"Did you see how she came to your place in the middle of the night?" Tonya says and Raven's heart breaks.

 

"She was drunk that's all," Dana says reassuring her friends.

 

"Where the hell is she?" Raven asks angrily.

 

"I…I can't tell you, Raven I'm sorry but she is ok…she is safe," Dana nods reassuringly and Raven looks away feeling relieved and a little bit exposed then takes her phone and fidgets with it.

 

"So how is the wedding planning?" Luna asks trying to change the topic.

 

Dana is about to talk when Tonya interrupts her, "Well, I almost became her ex fiancée yesterday because she freaked out."

 

Alice eyes study intently Dana who forces a fake smile, "Yeah, I freaked out but-" She doesn't say anything else she stares back into Alice's eyes.

 

_***_

_Few days ago…_

 

_It was dark and Dana was running outside. She needed to get away, to rest a little bit and the only way she can do it without Tonya clinging to her is to go for a late run. Alice was driving in the neighborhood when she notices her, she pulls her car over and calls her out._

 

_Alice insists and they end up getting drunk in her car. One thing leads to another and Dana finds herself leaning in to kiss Alice. The kiss was terrible, it tasted cheap vodka but it didn't stop them._

 

_Alice laughs against Dana's lips too drunk to know what she is doing. She is kissing her friend who is engaged. Dana somehow confesses that since the first time she met her, she wants to kiss her._

 

_"Well here you kissed me, did I level up to your expectations?" Alice asks trying to keep a serious tone._

 

_"No," Dana chuckles, "it was more romantic in my head…kind of slow motion movie kisses."_

 

_Alice looks at Dana then they both burst in laughter. After their laughs die, Alice tries again and this time it is better despite the same cheap vodka taste lingering on their tongues, the kiss is softer and deeper. A kiss turns into another and they end up making out at the back of Alice's car until Dana's phone chimes._

 

_"I'm sorry," Dana says before opening the door and leaving Alice there. They haven't talked about it since and Dana did her best to avoid Alice._

 

***

 

"Are you ok, Alice?" Both Alice and Dana are brought back from their thoughts by Tonya's annoying questioning voice.

 

Tonya was looking between Dana and Alice who kind of zoned out for a moment staring at one another.

 

"I….emm. Yeah I just freaked out about Octavia," Alice stutters.

 

"So how is Lexa? Has Clarke called about the divorce papers yet? She wants to ask her for another chance." Dana asks curious.

 

"Apparently she walked on them in their very own bedroom," Tonya gossips.

 

Raven looks up from her phone at Tonya ready to say something when Luna elbows her and looks behind Tonya's back and she sees Lexa coming their direction.

 

"That's not what happened," Alice exclaims annoyed."She saw them hand in hand and she guessed."

 

"What?" Dana lets out loudly."That's stupid," She adds then both Raven and Luna bulge their eyes nodding behind her.

 

"Oh, Lexa!" Dana smiles and Lexa forces a fake smile at her and Tonya. She heard them.

 

They all greet her except for Raven who stands up and hugs her, "I missed you."

 

"I missed you too," Lexa replies before sitting next to Raven.

 

"So how are you Lexa?" Tonya asks and Raven wants to punch her in the face.

 

"I'm fine, how have you been ladies?" Lexa asks looking at all her friends.

 

Luna takes her phone and texts Clarke to let her know that Lexa is at the Grounders.

 

They talk for a moment about what they have been doing the last few weeks to catch up. Dana does her best to shut her fiancée's gossip for a moment then feels tired. She goes to the bathroom and a few seconds later Alice follows her. She knows Dana is going to avoid her but they need to talk.

 

As soon as Alice pushes the door of the bathroom Dana walks to leave but Alice stops her, "How long are you going to avoid me?"

 

Dana sighs."Are we gonna talk about our kiss?" She asks warily. She doesn't know how she feels nor what she thinks about what happened.

 

"About what?" Alice asks back confused. It's not about the kiss, it is more. Alice wants to talk about the way she feels like Dana is a magnet and she is the metal.

 

Dana looks at her then smiles."Ok, we shouldn't," She tries to leave again cowardly.

 

"Hold on," Alice says and Dana looks back at her, "it was a mistake, right?" Alice guesses what Dana would want to hear because obviously she is the one trying to avoid her.

 

Dana is nervous, she looks down at her shoes then up at Alice and shrugs, "If you say so."

 

"Well! What about you? What do you say?" Alice asks feeling like Dana is trying to escape.

 

"You're the one who kissed me first," Dana childishly replies.

 

Alice lets out a chuckle, "I kind of remember you kissing me back."

 

"After you started it," Dana insists not knowing how to reply.

 

Alice looks at her lips then up into her eyes and asks softly, "So if I was to kiss you again?" Alice doesn't finish her sentence instead she looks at her lips again and Dana mirrors her looking at her lips hungrily.

 

Alice leans in closer to Dana's face and stopping to look at her and see if she is ok or she should stop and not kiss her but all Dana does is look at her stupidly so Alice pushes her lips softly against Dana's for a long kiss.

 

Dana quickly reciprocates and wraps her arms around her waist and deepens the kiss. They make out for a moment and forget everything around them until they are interrupted by a customer who got in.

 

Once they are back to the table, they see Clarke walking to their table while Lexa and all their friends are unaware and talking about Lexa's new job.

 

Alice sits and elbows Raven who looks at her questioningly and before she can say her anything Clarke is standing before them.

 

Lexa stops talking and so does everyone. She looks at Clarke for the first time in months. Lexa misses her but at the same time it hurts to look at her. Raven stands up ready to push Clarke away but Lexa quickly stops her."I'm fine," She murmurs thinking, _'I can defend myself.'_

 

Dana and Tonya are looking at Clarke waiting to hear what she has to say, Alice and Raven are staring daggers at her and Lexa is painfully looking at her.

 

"Do you want us to leave?" Luna asks standing up and hoping her friends will follow her so they could give them some space to talk but Clarke shakes her head and answers before anyone can say anything, "Don't worry! I'm not going to ask to join you. I know that you probably all think I'm a monster…I just have..I have something I need to say to Lexa."

 

"I think we should go," Luna adds looking at her friends.

 

"No! If she has something to say, she can do it here," Lexa replies looking angrily at Clarke.

 

Weird glances are shared between the friends feeling trapped except for Raven who is happy to not go and give Clarke the opportunity to approach Lexa alone.

 

"Lexa!" Clarke feels a lump in her throat and feels disarmed at the way everyone is looking at her. Tears well in her eyes she lets out a deep breath before continuing, "I tried to see you and call you about the divorce papers but you disappeared. I get it you want some space but I think it's…we don't have to do this. You didn't give me the chance to let you know that I'm not going to ever see her again, I'm not going to speak to her again, I'm not going to think about her ever again."

 

Lexa looks at Clarke feeling anger boiling up in her guts, she closes her eyes trying to keep calm and when she opens them again, Clarke adds, "I miss you…more than that I need you and I don't think that I can live without you," Tears start spilling down Clarke's cheeks but Lexa is looking at her impassive.

 

"It's completely and totally over," Clarke manages to add after wiping her tears away.

 

"When did you end it?" Lexa asks coldly.

 

Clarke frowns, "This morning and I told her that you're the love of my life."

 

If looks could kill, Clarke would be dead right away. Lexa looks at Clarke eyes filled with hate and anger, "I drove by the house yesterday and your car wasn't there! Did you fuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?"

 

Clarke is speechless, just as she is about to reply to defend herself Raven stands up and gives her a warning look. She looks at Lexa waiting for her to say something but Lexa won't meet her eyes. She stands up and leaves then Raven follows her.

 

"If you can't keep it in your pants don't get married, right honey?" Tonya comments looking at her fiancée Dana. Clarke looks at her."Shut the fuck up," She spits out before leaving.

 

Alice looks at Dana in disbelief and so does Luna. Dana smiles apologetically at them not knowing what to say or do to control her fiancée's mouth.

 

"We should go," Dana says feeling embarrassed.

 

"Yeah! Bye," Alice shouts as Dana and Tonya are leaving.

 

* * *

 

Raven manages to convince Lexa to not leave again in this state of mind. She knows her best friend is unhappy and the more she isolates herself, the more she sinks further in her depression.

 

"I should leave, Raven. I just wanted to see you," Lexa says.

 

"You're not leaving anyway, Lexa! You're staying here with me until you figure out what's next," Raven insists again.

 

"No, I can't. What about my father?"

 

"He's going to be fine, you should worry about yourself and not him."

 

"I'm fine. The sooner this divorce ends the better," Lexa huffs.

 

"I'm not talking about the divorce, Lexa. I know it is not easy and everything but you gotta get your shit together and go back to work, maybe take the job Alice's boss offered you and maybe stop eating junk food."

 

"Junk food?" Lexa is confused."I'm not eating junk food."

 

Raven chuckles, "You're eating your pain as much as Clarke is smoking and drinking hers." Lexa doesn't meet her eyes, she knows she might look she got a little weight but it is more than that. She has a baby bump and it started to show and she has been trying to hide it under large clothes.

 

Lexa smiles weakly at her best friend, "I'm not fat-" Before she can continue Raven interrupts her gesturing at her, "Lexa! Yes you are."

 

"No, I'm not," Lexa says standing up and lifting her shirt up showing Raven her baby bump.

 

Raven freezes and instead of smiling and being happy she breathes out, _'Fuck!'_ and squeezes her eyes close.

 

"Hey! I'm going to be fine. Don't worry," Lexa tries to reassure Raven who opens her eyes again and shakes her head, "No! you're not. It's going to be even more complicated. How and when I don't understand?"

 

"I tried again when me and Clarke was still together."

 

"Fuck! Now you really need to be here so I can…we can help you know," Raven says and Lexa's heart warms.

 

"I don't know! I don't think it's a good idea," Lexa replies sceptic.

 

"What? Come on Lexa! You should be surrounded by your friends who love you and can help not an old man and his wife and I mean…your whole life is here you can get a job and get your own place…what would you do at your fathers?"

 

Lexa thinks for a moment then nods, "You're right. I need to get my life back together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I apologize for the mistakes (:


	2. Chapter 2

 

_Two weeks later…_

 

Clarke is alone. She used to have everything, a wife and friends and now all she has left is Monty’s sympathy from time to time when he tries to hang out with her but they end up silent or drunk. In the past few weeks, she learnt what the meaning of loneliness is in the hard way.

She was doing her best to postpone the divorce, she was hoping to convince Lexa to give her another chance despite knowing that it is a lost battle from the beginning. Lexa warned her that it would be the last time she would give her a chance and she ruined it once again in the worst possible way.

As for Lexa, she went back to her father’s place and told him that she will need to be in LA for the divorce and for her new job and that she will be staying at Raven’s place. She took whatever she had of clothes and personal stuff from his place and went back to stay at Ravens.

She started her new job but living back in LA is not really helpful. She spent her days between work and her bed, she refused to hang out with her friends while her baby bump became more visible. She was not ready to tell anyone else except for Raven.

Raven spent two weeks trying to help Lexa, her best friend out of her depression but to no avail. In fact, she didn’t really insist because she was too busy with her own problems. Her heart was aching, she had no idea where the hell Octavia was with her new girlfriend.

She tried to call her but Octavia will not answer her calls and when she tried with Bellamy, he told her that he is as clueless as she is. She warned him that the Grounders was declining and that he needs to be back otherwise they are going to lose all their clients but he told her that he cannot be in two places at the same time, that he has other responsibilities now and Octavia should take care of her now own business by herself.

Every time she asked Dana, she told her that she is fine and that she is talking to her and sending her pictures of her trip and the places she is visiting but that she cannot tell her where she is.

Raven called her friends and told them about Lexa’s mood and depression and they concluded that she needs an intervention so they can have their old Lexa back.

They ended up talking her into going for dinner in their favorite Chinese restaurant and later for a lesbian club for a lap dance. She was never interested in such places but her friends judged that she needed a lap dance arguing that it will help her get back in the mood of going out and dating.

When Raven and Lexa walk into the restaurant they find their friends already seated and waiting for them.

“Well I doubted you would make it but here you are,” Alice says cheerfully welcoming them.

“She threatened to kick me out of her place so,” Lexa shrugs and Raven smirks, “You’re going to thank me later.”

“So are you ready for tonight?” Tonya asks abruptly.

Lexa looks up from her menu then smiles at her, “Not really but we’ll see how it goes.”

“I get it, the only ass you ever had was Clarke’s and she has a fine one so it's going to be a challenge for whoever this stripper is,” Luna comments and Lexa smiles weakly at them, she does not need to remember Clarke’s ass, she is here to forget about it.

Dana’s eyes widen surprised at what she just heard thinking that Lexa was straight she cannot help asking, “Were you straight or what?”

“No, I just…Clarke is my first love and I grew up in a rather strict family,” Lexa explains and Dana nods, “Oh, ok.”

“So it’s going to be your first lap dance?” Alice asks again curious to know if Clarke ever did a lap dance for her, Lexa blushes then shakes her head.

“Ok, let’s order our food, shall we? I’m starving,” Raven interrupts changing the topic. They are here to make her forget about Clarke and not keep on talking about her ass and bringing their past memories.

Lexa smiles at her gratefully then looks back down at the menu in her hand and orders her food.

The dinner goes pretty well after that except when Clarke walks in with Monty. Luna and Lexa are the first ones who notice them, Lexa’s smile falls and she looks away while Luna excuses herself and walks to them.

Just as she is about to greet Clarke who she has not seen for two weeks, Clarke interjects angrily, “I’m leaving don’t bother.”

Clarke feels hurt seeing all her friends having a fun night around a luxurious dinner and Lexa is smiling while she is alone and miserable.

“No, Clarke wait. It’s not like that…it’s not what you think but…” Luna sighs, “it’s shitty and she needs it she is-“ Before Luna continues Clarke interrupts her, “It’s fine I get it.”

Luna flashes an apologetic smile at her friend and adds, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Clarke nods before hooking her arm around Monty’s and leaves the restaurant.

Later that evening, Alice and Luna push Lexa to choose the stripper on her own while Dana and Tonya are having fun with another dancer. As for Raven, she is at the bar trying once again to get in touch with Octavia. She sighs when she sees that she is reading her messages but she is not replying to any of them. She shoves her phone in her pocket and looks back at her friends.

When Luna notices that Raven is not with them and she is fidgeting sadly with her phone, she walks to the bar and joins her, “Hey there!”

Raven turns and looks at her friend, “Hey!”

“You’re not drinking?” Luna asks curious and Raven shakes her head, “It’s Lexa’s night and I don’t want anything bad happening to her and you guys are all drinking. I need to be sober.”

“She’s not drinking too,” Luna comments.“And she looks…different. Maybe a little bit pregnant?”

Raven looks at Luna and nods, “Don’t tell anyone. Clarke doesn’t know yet.”

“Well I’ll try,” Luna comments thinking about Clarke. She hates that they are now somehow picking sides so instead of talking further about Lexa and Clarke, Luna asks, “Any news from Octavia?”

Raven sighs, “No, I’m texting her like daily but nothing in return. Did you talk to her lately?”

“No, I haven’t. I called her but she didn’t pick up so I didn’t try again.”

Raven looks sadly at Luna and nods, “I don’t know what’s going on in her head.”

Luna does not reply because she knows Raven is thinking loudly rather than asking her. They both look back at their friends. Dana and her fiancée are now with Alice gesturing happily and teasing Lexa who is now having a lap dance from a blonde stripper.

Luna frowns then looks at Raven, “Doesn’t she look a lot like Clarke?” Raven looks at her and nods sadly. She feels sorry for Lexa realizing that she misses her wife.

“What if she still loves her? I mean, it’s obvious that they’re made for one another,” Luna comments then adds, “we should talk to Lexa.”

“Absolutely not,” Raven disagrees firmly.“She didn’t go a little overboard, she fucked up big.”

“We all make mistakes, Raven and not everything in life is black or white…life is full of different shades of grey.”

“Well cheating is dark black and there’s no way to lighten its shade. Cheating is cheating.”

“Then we should go there and do something, don’t you think?” Luna asks and Raven nods.

As soon as Raven joins them she tugs at the stripper’s arm and murmurs something in her ear before taking Lexa’s hand and walking her outside the strip club.

Lexa does not resist, she is exhausted and emotionally worn out all she wants is to get back to bed and cry her broken heart.

 

**********

 

The next morning, Raven wakes up in a terrible mood even worse than the previous day. The first thing she does is check her phone hoping Octavia might reply to one of her texts or at least insult her. She just wishes to find something and not being ignored for so long.

She stumbles to the kitchen and finds Lexa sipping her tea, ready to leave.

“You’re early today,” Raven exclaims.

“Yeah, I’m meeting with my lawyer, Helena Peabody,” Lexa replies warily.

“Oh, so when is it happening?” Raven asks back while pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Tomorrow,” Lexa lets out taking another sip from her tea.

“Are you ready?”

Lexa looks at her best friend for a moment then shrugs, “I guess I am” Raven smiles at her reassuringly “It’s going to be ok.”

“I hope so,” Lexa breathes out, “I want it to end as soon as possible because I can’t hide this anymore. Look at me.” Lexa gestures at her baby bump.

“Just one more day and you won’t see her again.”

“Well by the way, can you please ask Alice or someone to tell her that I’ll be going hom- at her place to pick up some of my clothes and I’d rather not meet her there.”

“I can do it if you want,” Raven suggests.

“I don’t think it's a good idea” Lexa grimaces “just see if Alice can tell her.”

“Ok, I will. Do you want me to drive you somewhere?” Raven offers but Lexa shakes her head, “It’s ok, Helena is coming to pick me up.”

Raven raises her eyebrow, “Helena! Is it included in her paycheck?”

Lexa rolls her eyes, “She's just trying to help.”

“If you say so,” Raven replies before leaving to the Grounders knowing that she might find Dana.

Indeed, when she gets to the Grounder she finds Dana eating her fiancée’s face obnoxiously.

“Can you stop for a minute,” Raven interrupts them and Dana smiles blushingly.

“No, actually. She is busy,” Tonya replies before smashing her lips against Dana’s again.

“God!” Raven huffs when Dana breaks the kiss again, “Sorry, Raven. How are you this morning?”

Raven gives Dana a ‘ _Are you fucking kidding me?_ ’ look before answering, “Just like I woke up yesterday. Are you going to tell me where the hell Octavia is?”

Dana shakes her head, “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Cut the crap, Dana and tell me where is she? You’re the only one who knows where she is, not even Bellamy knows and this place is crumbling down. If it’s not for my sake, do it for her own good. She's being stupid and reckless. She needs to stop this rebellion and random trip with God knows who and come back to her business.”

Dana is taken aback by Raven’s tone. She has seen her angry but not like now.“I’ll try and tell her that,” She replies but Raven isn’t satisfied with her response.

“Trying? Are you kidding me? The Grounders is not trying to fall apart, it IS falling apart,” Raven lets out angrily.“Give me your damn phone,” She adds before taking Dana’s phone from the table but fails to open it.

“You password.”

“You should chill the fuck out, Raven. We know you love Octavia and you’re worrying about her but you should neither worry nor love her because she clearly doesn’t give a fuck about you,” Tonya interjects making Raven’s blood boil further.

Raven looks at Dana but when she sees that she is not saying anything to what her fiancée just said, she pushes her chair and storms out.

Raven goes to work and when she gets back home later that day she hears Lexa sniffing silently. Her heart aches, she wants to help Lexa feel better but she is knows it’s a lost battle. So she walks the way to her room without glancing at Lexa

 

***********************************

 

Clarke arrives with her lawyer and sits across Lexa and Helena Peabody who is Lexa’s lawyer and happens to be the daughter of Mrs. Peabody.

Before they can say anything at all, Helena dives straight into it, “Why don’t you tell me what you two have in mind?”

Clarke looks at Helena then at Lexa trying to meet her eyes but Lexa is looking at her lawyer instead. She takes a deep breath just as her lawyer replies, “Well my client and I have the intention to make this as painless as possible. We offer to cover all living expenses for Miss Woods including her own apartment and an initial twenty thousand dollars to be dispersed in anyway Miss Woods sees fit.”

As Clarke’s lawyer is speaking Lexa meets Clarke’s eyes feeling a little bit surprised and pleased about the offer. Clarke smiles at her trying to communicate that she is willing to make things right this time around but Lexa quickly averts her eyes back to Clarke’s lawyer.

Clarke’s face falls back as her lawyer ends up their offer but Lexa is silent. She does not know what to think about it so she looks at Helena who shakes her head disapprovingly.

“Oh, come on’ that’s sweet but short term. We’re here to talk financial separation as well,” Clarke frowns looking back at Lexa, she wasn’t expecting Lexa to go after her money or her belongings.

Helena swipes the documents in her hands, “we’ve a house, cars, vacations, love commitment, a promise to be true.” As she was stating all of it Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, “a baby that was lost, trust that was broken,” Lexa opens her eyes and meets Clarke's eyes feeling her heart dropping but not showing any emotion. She needed to be strong for herself and her baby.

“I don’t know about you but that sounds like my client deserves much better from this marriage,” Helena argued and Clarke’s eyes start to well up in tears realizing the enormous step they are taking right now.

“She does,” Clarke mumbles and her lawyer tries to silent her in a warning tone, “Clarke!” But Clarke doesn’t care. She is hurting and she can’t just get away with she did just like that. She cannot let Lexa think that she wants this marriage to end.

“She deserves everything, it's a marriage, it still is and I don’t want it to end,” Clarke ignores her lawyer and adds, “Lexa, please look at me.”

Helena chuckles “Yeah, it’s a little late for that so let’s get back to the business in hand. The equitable division of funds” Clarke greets her teeth and looks away trying to meet Lexa’s eyes again but Lexa is willingly avoiding it to not fall apart.

So instead of hearing Helena and her lawyer’s arguing, Clarke stands up from her chair and walks to Lexa and kneels beside her, placing her hand softly on her cheek to get her attention. Lexa looks down at her and her heart shatters Clarke’s blue eyes are filled with tears and from close she can see the dark circles under her eyes.

“How many times do I have to say that I am sorry?” Clarke says and Helena lets out a snarky comment, “Here we go,” She leans in her chair and observes the scene in front of her.

Clarke ignores her and continues, “Please, Lexa I’m begging you. Don’t do this to us, this is not who we are. Lexa? We can fix this, ok? We can fix this. Lexa, do you still love me?”

Lexa is staring at Clarke speechless and now she just asked her a question she will never be able to reply, not right now, not so soon and not in these circumstances. Seeing the lack of response, Clarke’s chin trembles and she hardly can say the next words again afraid of what she may hear, “Do you still love me? Don’t do this, don’t destroy us.”

“If I can just interject for a second here. It wasn’t Lexa who destroyed this marriage. It was you and this is good to remember as you should be dealing with the consequences now.”

“I am dealing with the consequences,” Clarke deadpans angrily hating the way Helena keeps on interrupting and getting in between them so rudely.

“Good for you but this is about Lexa and not about you, about what she wants,” Helena replies then looks at Lexa and adds, “Lexa? Is this what you want?”

Lexa looks down at her hands then says, “I think it needs to be different.”

“It will be,” Clarke quickly promises hoping that Lexa wants to give her another chance but then Helene speaks, “Did you hear that? Why don’t you get off the floor and let her do what she wants for once instead of you running the whole show? Come on’.” Helena tugs at Clarke’s shoulder to make her leave.

Clarke shrugs Helena’s hand violently and again she tries to make Lexa looks at her but Lexa refuses to look into her pleading blue eyes again so she closes them and waits for Clarke to leave her personal space. Clarke looks down at her feet and stands up, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Why don’t we reschedule this at a time where everyone is feeling a little less dramatic?” Helena says as she walks to the door of her office and opens it for Clarke and her lawyer to leave.

As soon as the door closes Helena sits next to Lexa and tries to comfort her rubbing her hand over her knee, “It’s going to be ok, just remember you need to focus on you and the baby. Be selfish for once.”

Lexa nods and stands up needing to get her personal space back again.

“How are you feeling right now?”

“Angry,” Lexa simply replies while pacing in the office, “She keeps apologizing but it's meaningless…I feel mad.”

“Good, anger will help you change your life. Come on sit down,” Helena pats the chair next to her gesturing for Lexa to join her, Lexa sits back and looks at her expectantly.

“I want you to tell me what you need right now?” Helena says looking into Lexa’s green eyes.

Lexa sighs and shrugs, she has no idea what she wants. Well, she wants a lot of things that can’t happen.

“A foot massage? Ice-cream?” Helena suggests and Lexa shakes her head.“I need my own life,” She replies with a panicking tone. She starts to freak out which is not in her nature but the pregnancy hormones are making her feel like crazy adding to the emotional and difficult situation she is in.

“Then tell me what I can do to make that happen?” Helena smiles at Lexa taking her hands in hers. Lexa looks down at their hands and lets out a deep breath, “I’m having a baby and I’m crashing at my best friend’s place. I barely started working and I’m broke I mean I don’t have much savings. I should take that deal.”

“Out of question,” Helena replies shaking her head, “I’m not letting her win once again. My guest house is empty, you’re going to move in to it until we get the deal we want, alright?”

Lexa stares intently at Helena for a moment before refusing, “I can’t do that, Helena.”

“It’s fine,” Helena reassures her, “I’ll get somebody to help you move in, don’t worry. You know how many of my clients stayed at my guest house?”

Lexa looks at her speechless.“Plenty,” Helena continues, “I’m happy to offer.”

Lexa thinks for a minute before smiling, “Ok, I’ll do that.”

 

**********

 

Clarke leaves Helena’s office in a mess. She barely manages to make it back to the CAC. Monty doesn’t miss her puffy red eyes so instead of asking how it went, he cancels her meetings of the day and goes to her office and knocks lightly.

“Can I come in?” He asks hesitantly.

Clarke nods wiping her tears away, “Of course, what do you need?”

“Nothing, I should ask you what can I do to help?”

“Invent a time traveling machine,” Clarke replies with a broken voice.

“I’m afraid, I won’t be able to do that,” Monty says, “but how about talking to Lexa? Maybe she would listen to someone like me? Someone who is not her friend nor yours? Someone with an objective view."

Clarke looks at her phone which is chiming then ignores it and looks back at Monty intently and asks him, “What would you tell her?”

Monty smiles at her then answers “I’d tell her ‘ _That Clarke might deserve to have her ass kicked but it doesn’t change the fact that she loves you more than her own life and she should finish punishing her and get back to figuring out how to leave with one another for the next fifty years or more’_ it should be eloquent”

“Maybe you should give it a try,” Clarke replies with a broken smile.“I’ve nothing to lose anymore. I’m trying everything I can do to make her forgive me, to make her stay but she is not.”

Clarke’s phone starts off once again and this time Monty excuses himself leaving Clarke her privacy to pick up the phone call.

“Hey Alice,” Clarke manages to answer without a broken voice.

“Hi Clarke,” Alice greets her back.

“What’s up?” Clarke asks eagerly hoping that Alice might tell her that Lexa might have felt her and seen her honesty back in Helena’s office and wants to give her a shot, or to at least meet her to talk properly without a third party.

“I wanted to ask if you’re going to be out of the house for a couple of hours tonight?” Alice asks confusing Clarke, “cause Lexa wants to come by and pick up her clothes.”

Clarke gulps her pain and answers, “It’s her house, she can come anytime she wants.”

“Clarke, not anymore. So can you please not be there for just a couple of hours?” Alice insists again and Clarke sighs, “Ok.” before hanging up.

Instead of doing as promised, Clarke does the complete opposite seeing an opportunity to be with Lexa alone and talk to her into cancelling the divorce. So she stays in her bedroom, lights off and waits for her wife to show up.

When Lexa gets in the house, she feels her heart aching at the familiar place which is now just a house for her and not a home anymore. She stops right in the living room looking around then she takes a deep breath to gather her strength and do what she needs to do and leave as soon as possible from this place which is suffocating her with beautiful memories.

Lexa turns off the lights and walks to her dressing room missing Clarke’s sitting figure at the corner of the room.

“Lexa!” Clarke lets out softly in a desperate tone. Lexa startles and looks back at her but she doesn’t say anything. Her features harden suddenly and she looks back at her dressing and starts packing few things.

“I needed to see you,” Clarke says, “you don’t even look at me anymore, that’s fair.”

Lexa greets her teeth and looks back at her, “Nothing is fair, Clarke. You broke everything that meant anything to me.”

“Let me fix it,” Clarke begs.

“No,” Lexa replies firmly.

“I won’t accept that,” Clarke says stubbornly walking close to Lexa who replies coldly, “Too bad.”

Clarke lets out a tired breath and tries to explain, “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I over estimated myself and when we lost the baby I kept ignoring my pain instead of dealing with it.” Clarke is rambling and Lexa is silent.

Lexa finishes packing what she could and leaves the bedroom while Clarke is following her, “and I ended up looking at someone else and you kept pushing me, I tried I really tried but you abandoned me as much as I did and I’m sorry I am really sorry for what-” Clarke stops hearing the sound of the door slamming at her face.


End file.
